Must Be The Reasons Of A Witch

I’ve been absent in so many ways for far too long this winter.

A confirmed Fibromyalgia diagnosis has me questioning so many aspects of my life.

Aside from the syndrome that has been with me my whole life I now am crashing into the aging process.

I believe this list would benefit any person:

Positive Thoughts

Stress Reduction

Exercise

Nutrition

Sleep

Water

This list is not meant to be considered in order of importance as all aspects are related and are equally crucial to well being.

Wouldn’t you think that taking care of ourselves would be the easiest part of living? Why is it so difficult for us to acknowledge the importance of sustaining and nurturing ourselves?

Why is it easier to down a soda instead of a glass of water?

Why do we accept treating ourselves badly in so many ways?

I don’t have answers, just a day by day thought-filled awareness of walking the proper path one step after another. It is a lifestyle change that encompasses every choice.

My No-No Food List

I was asked recently by a friend to make a list of the foods I am supposed to avoid to alleviate symptoms and pain of my Arthritis, Fibromyalgia and post-Endometriosis and post-Menopausal issues, plus, whatever else ails me and my digestive system. I have avoided making this no-no list for years, as you will understand when you read it…

• Sugar
• Salt
• Corn Syrup
• Citrus
• Potatoes
• Tomatoes
• Peppers
• Chili Peppers
• Eggplant
• Mushrooms
• Beef
• Milk
• Cow Cheese
• Nuts
• Seeds
• Corn
• Coffee
• Chocolate
• Soy
• Wild Rice
• Wheat
• Alcohol

I am reeling at the thought of cutting any of these items from my diet. I have had a love/hate relationship with food that has spanned Anorexia to high Cholesterol. Chocolate is my go-to addiction as I have Peanut butter-in-a-casing-of-chocolate habit. I make an unbelievably good loaf of French bread that is an art form that deserves to be done well and often. I find great joy in mixing butter and sugar with Vanilla and flour and making a form of culinary art that has no redeeming qualities other than mouth joy, a wonderful aroma, and a craving for more. A comfort food junkie, I can’t imagine life without a Garlic, Onion, Pepper and Tomato mixture with cheese and pasta. Or Potatoes in any form…

Where should I begin on this list? Definitely not at the top…I haven’t had Wild Rice in years…so I guess continuing that trend won’t hurt. Soy? Not really a fan, so I can do this. Eggplant isn’t a favorite of mine, so I guess I can forgo eating it. Seeds? Okay. I’ll start with seeds. That shouldn’t be too difficult. I’ll even add Citrus to my no-more plan. Guilt is already assailing me, as I won’t miss any of these food choices. I have to give up more to begin. Mushrooms. Ooo…that hurts already. Okay, I can do without Mushrooms. I will continue to remove these items from my diet over a period of time to see if there is an improvement in my health and well-being. Meanwhile I will have an opportunity to evaluate my food choices and where I can find hidden forms of these items that I should avoid.

Geriatric Doctor Without Concern for Patients

This falls into my…”Are You Kidding Me?” catagory.

I took both my parents to their primary care checkup this week.

Now..they have both had this doctor for over 20 years, when he took over the practice from the retiring town doctor. Both my parents have attended every check-up, followed every directive, taken every medication…

I’ll ignore the fact he never had my mother get a bone density scan in all these years. Of course, her 85 year old hip broke this winter, causing her to fall.

I’ll ignore that I had to report his last office location to the town code enforcer for an exterior handrail to the entrance that had pulled out of the wall, so offered no support for an elderly person to get into the building, and had not been fixed after YEARS,  AND when I tried to bring my parents through the wheelchair access door, I had to make my parents wait outside on the ramp while I moved a stack of cardboard boxes that blocked the entrance. I’m trying really hard to get over this BS, but I am hitting the laptop keys a bit too hard, it seems.

All that aside…Doctor PB moves to a new location down the block by combining with another practice. Fine.

Geriatric Doctor…remember that…

One handicapped parking spot.

No wheelchair automatic door opener on any door. Only one entrance, but three doors to get to his office inside.

I had two people with walkers, one blind with dementia, and I had to be a contortionist to open the door for Mom to enter the outer entrance space, and keep Dad from walking off into the door jamb as I try to hold the door open and help pull his walker into this cramped entrance.

Now, I have to back up two old people with walkers so that I am able to open the office door into the entrance space, and again, do the yoga pose to get them both in.

Now we have to walk across a waiting room of sick children to enter the Geriatric doctor’s door (right next to all the goobery kiddy books and toys) to go to his ‘waiting room’. This glorious waiting room has upgraded since my last visit when there were only two chairs, and I had to sit on a walker. Now there are four! One directly behind the door so you can get whacked in the knees when another patient arrives. It’s not an official space, just a wide spot in the hallway. Ridiculous.

What happened to HIPA? No privacy here to discuss appointments, referrals, prescriptions.

What happened to ADA? The patient following us was crippled with two walking sticks.

I’m not even going to bother telling you about the exam room ballet we had to dance to get us all in, but I was sweating by the time I got to sit down.

On a walker.

Thank you for letting me vent. I feel helpless when I come home from a day like this, with a migraine, aggravated Fibromyalgia, and exhausted.

Eulogy

Why is it our society commemorates a man after his death rather than while the physical body is alive. I think it is easier for people to wait until someone has died to rally their feelings and thoughts to the surface. It is easier to put on a black suit and take time from work to attend a funeral than to show up in jeans to the hospital. Just show up. Hold a hand, hold a crying relative, hold your tongue about how you would handle it differently.

We fear death. We fear the face of death that alters the features of a person. We fear the tubes and machinery hooked up to a frail wisp of a person, nearly unrecognizable as being the robust man they had been before death gripped them by the wrist and wouldn’t let go.

The struggle against death is never pretty. It seems the inevitable is denied and hope is a carrot just out of reach that withers along with the condemned.

But death comes to us all, regardless of health care, regardless of choices made, regardless of loved ones who cling to the belief that they are being left. Left an orphan, left missing half of their selves, left without, begging the dying to not leave them here alone.

It is easier to remember him as he was in his strength…but wouldn’t he have filled with peace, with joy, with tears, for all the respect, love, and loss that is felt with the passing of such as he?

Price of Pain

You’ve seen the ads…ask your doctor if this over-priced-drug-of-the-moment is right for YOU!

Yeah…I’m on it. Next commercial…yeah…I’m on that too. There’s no moth flying over my bed and I won’t be puking on some politico’s shoes, but my cholesterol and bone numbers are better…and I no longer feel the need to strangle complete strangers for wasting Oxygen…But the pain remains in Maine.

Make a choice…painless – never free – and stay home or no relief so I can engage with the world and pretend. Pretend I can pay attention when the price is searing through my spine.

Check please.